Ethiopia is right around the corner. 9 days away. And I am struggling. Not emotionally, but physically. To say the last few weeks have been a challenge in our home is an understatement. We’ve gone through a series of medical issues that just make no sense. I’ll see if I can sum it all up…..
My sweet husband got pretty sick last November. We thought he had been bitten by a spider. On his first doctor visit, that thought was confirmed by the Doctor. After a crazy turn of events, a visit to the ER and MULTIPLE antibiotics, we found out he had staph. The original diagnosis was wrong. Not fun. Fast forward a few months. The staph returned. They didn’t do a complete set of cultures the first time, the proper antibiotics weren’t prescribed and we were back to square one. There was another series of mishaps with cultures, several days of fever and an allergic reaction to antibiotics. It was crazy. But, he’s better now.
Moving on to me……I had some female issues that had just become unbearable. I finally got tired enough of dealing with the issues to visit my doctor. That visit resulted in an ultrasound which resulted in me needing a hysteroscopy, biopsy and d&c. In the midst of all of this…I am watching the calendar. I know exactly how many days I have until we leave for Zeway. Adding to my issues is a phantom back pain. I really thought it was from the procedure. Seemed to make sense. Now, I am questioning that. It’s several days past my procedure and the pain is not getting better. What is going on inside my body?
I found myself really, truly questioning if God wanted me on this trip. I’ve even heard the words “God doesn’t need you in Zeway”. And the truth is He doesn’t. He doesn’t need any of us. I've always felt a sense of peace about "not going". I've even joked on many occasions that it should be John going...not me. But, I believe He wants me in Zeway. I really didn’t feel that until a conversation this morning and now the fight in me has come to life.
I was talking with my Mom this morning about everything going on. And my heart just kept going to Eden. Sweet Eden. The girl who captured my heart. The child that God used to redeem so many hurts in my own childhood. Could God be allowing all these physical ailments in my life, our lives, so that I can share them with her and to let her know that she IS worth it? What Eden knows is a family who when they THOUGHT she was dead only cared about her furniture. Maybe God wants her to know that there is someone on the other side of the world that loves her enough to fight through this temporary pain just so I can hug her once more. Just so I can kiss her sweet face. So that I can tell her that there is ONE who loves her more than ANYTHING in this world. And His name is Jesus.
The kingdom of Heaven is counted by ones. And I’ve witnessed first hand the lengths at which God will go to save a soul.
So Satan, you will lose. I will continue fighting. And I have prayer warriors. Brothers & Sisters in Christ…who love Jesus, who love me and who love these orphans. Even if I never step foot on African soil again…..Eden will know the love of Jesus.I love you Eden and as long as God allows it, I will see you soon.
… but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance ~ Romans 5:3